Put Chemical Plant Zone In The Sonic Film Sequel You Cowards

Screenshot: Sega

Sonic The Hedgehog, presumably the one good movement image that can come out of 2020, is getting a sequel. Whereas I’ve each confidence the sequel can be simply as sneakily good as its predecessor, I’ve one… no, two! recommendations on how Paramount Photos can guarantee a smash-hit follow-up.

Suggestion Number one: Make Miles “Tails” Prower the star of the movie, you bastards, and for those who don’t give him a purple biplane I’ll burn this bitch to the bottom. (Bonus factors, and fewer arson threats, awarded for a Knuckles cameo!) Tails is a big a part of Sonic lore. (This sentence makes me need to shove my very own ass right into a locker nevertheless it’s true.) His capability for self-propelled flight makes him a extra succesful character than Sonic. He’s additionally a genius inventor, and we stan a polymath king. On condition that his first look was in Sonic the Hedgehog 2 the sport, it’s solely pure that he’d be in Sonic the Hedgehog 2 the film. I need—which means, I demand—to see him fly, spin, and wiggle his cute little tails as he stands idly ready for the plot to advance.

Suggestion Quantity 2, aka the Necessary One: There should be an prolonged sequence inside an industrial manufacturing space—a “chemical plant zone” if you’ll—the place flipping platforms dump our heroes into swimming pools of inspecific purple liquid the place—fully inexplicably—a shocking Hollywood orchestration of the notorious “drowning music” begins to play. The primary Sonic film received away with the “Inexperienced Hills, Montana” gag however that won’t be sufficient for Sonic 2. I’m speaking about one of the iconic ranges in Sonic…nay online game historical past. Certainly that deserves inclusion into the movie canon. Moreover, I already suffered by way of one film with far too little loop-de-loops and spiked rotating platforms, I can’t stand to be so slighted a second time.

I’m a easy creature Paramount, I don’t suppose I’m asking for a lot right here. Observe these two necessary steps and you’ll assure that Sonic The Hedgehog The Film 2 enters the pantheon of “Video Recreation Motion pictures That Really Don’t Suck” becoming a member of the hallowed firm of each Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider movies, The Rock’s efficiency within the in any other case depressing Doom, and Lego Batman The Film.

The blue streak speeds into theaters April eight, 2022. Given the best way issues are going, what “theaters” will imply at that future date is unclear.

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